Friday, December 7, 2012

On finding out

When I first found out about my pregnancy, I was shocked.  I couldn't believe the little plus sign (though ever so faint) staring back at me. I think I checked the little accompanying instructions about 3 different times to make sure I was doing everything correctly...

Back tracking a little bit, I was wondering why my period was coming so late after a trip to Houston.  I think I started to get a weird sense of being pregnant...without knowing for sure, I added a 'kiddos' page to my pinterest board and when D asked me how I was feeling one day, I texted him "FULL OF BABY" -- I guess part of me just knew before we really knew.  


It does kind of look like an eyeball +_ |


My initial reaction was probably less positive than my husband's.  D was absolutely thrilled -- but I was admittedly a tad despondent.  All my hopes and dreams of vacationing and traveling the world before starting a family started to flash before my eyes -- my selfish me-centric world was about to permanently disappear. 

Despite being close to the 'big' 3-0 I didn't feel remotely prepared for pregnancy.  Children?!  Babies?  I envisioned a little helpless baby spitting up everywhere and producing hampers full of dirty diapers.  I was working a full time job making decent money -- now what?  What about my dream home with the big white gourmet kitchen and pink craft room/office complete with crystal chandelier?  What about starting my own business?  What about enjoying being a newlywed? (My parents had literally just moved out a few months prior)  What about having some alone time to relax after my 10 hour shifts at work?  What about me me me...

Babies are expensive.  I looked up an estimation of child care costs for the first year and found this handy dandy calculator at  Our expenses this past year included a wedding AND a honeymoon AND a house.  (All out of our own pockets, Dad and Mom need to enjoy their retirement!) My first year cost came to around $13,000+ - and that is just with half a year's worth of daycare since I'm due in early March inclusive of some maternity leave.  Good bye Jill Stuart and skin care obsession!  

A moment of silence for my tendency to spend way too much on products that whilst pretty, are ridiculously expensive...

Babies take up time.  They are expensive.  They require energy.  I just didn't think I could handle it.

Well, I still don't know exactly how I'm going to handle everything once baby pops out, but what I DO know is that I feel much, much better about being a future Mom -- In fact, I'm looking forward to it!

I think it took me a good few weeks with some ups and downs to fully embrace the prospect of motherhood -- I know for some, the opportunity and even chance to become a mom is coveted, so I do feel lucky that everything in the universe fell into place.

Everybody has a different story about how they found out or how they told their significant other/family about the pregnancy.  If it wasn't such a surprise I would have done something cute like all of these creative ladies.  One girl told a story about how her husband asked her once to put a bow on her tummy -- and years later, she remembered and pasted a bow on her stomach once she found out to her husband's delight.  Being loaded up with preggo hormones, I cried after reading this post.  True story.

Share your story of how you found out in the comments - would love to hear about your different experiences  :)


Freaky side note - I was engaged last May and was married about a year later.  I found out I was pregnant in early July.  While attending a co-worker's Birthday party the December between my engagement and wedding, I saw a fortune teller for the very first time -- purely for fun as I don't believe in them (I have always thought they were hokey).  The fortune teller pulls our her tarot cards and has me pull out whichever cards I want.  One of them was the "family" card - she told me that I would start a family the coming year.  I laughed it off since I told her I wasn't even married and not planning to have one for at least a year or two after marriage.  I guess she was right - how bizarre!