Friday, December 7, 2012

On finding out

When I first found out about my pregnancy, I was shocked.  I couldn't believe the little plus sign (though ever so faint) staring back at me. I think I checked the little accompanying instructions about 3 different times to make sure I was doing everything correctly...

Back tracking a little bit, I was wondering why my period was coming so late after a trip to Houston.  I think I started to get a weird sense of being pregnant...without knowing for sure, I added a 'kiddos' page to my pinterest board and when D asked me how I was feeling one day, I texted him "FULL OF BABY" -- I guess part of me just knew before we really knew.  


It does kind of look like an eyeball +_ |


My initial reaction was probably less positive than my husband's.  D was absolutely thrilled -- but I was admittedly a tad despondent.  All my hopes and dreams of vacationing and traveling the world before starting a family started to flash before my eyes -- my selfish me-centric world was about to permanently disappear. 

Despite being close to the 'big' 3-0 I didn't feel remotely prepared for pregnancy.  Children?!  Babies?  I envisioned a little helpless baby spitting up everywhere and producing hampers full of dirty diapers.  I was working a full time job making decent money -- now what?  What about my dream home with the big white gourmet kitchen and pink craft room/office complete with crystal chandelier?  What about starting my own business?  What about enjoying being a newlywed? (My parents had literally just moved out a few months prior)  What about having some alone time to relax after my 10 hour shifts at work?  What about me me me...

Babies are expensive.  I looked up an estimation of child care costs for the first year and found this handy dandy calculator at  Our expenses this past year included a wedding AND a honeymoon AND a house.  (All out of our own pockets, Dad and Mom need to enjoy their retirement!) My first year cost came to around $13,000+ - and that is just with half a year's worth of daycare since I'm due in early March inclusive of some maternity leave.  Good bye Jill Stuart and skin care obsession!  

A moment of silence for my tendency to spend way too much on products that whilst pretty, are ridiculously expensive...

Babies take up time.  They are expensive.  They require energy.  I just didn't think I could handle it.

Well, I still don't know exactly how I'm going to handle everything once baby pops out, but what I DO know is that I feel much, much better about being a future Mom -- In fact, I'm looking forward to it!

I think it took me a good few weeks with some ups and downs to fully embrace the prospect of motherhood -- I know for some, the opportunity and even chance to become a mom is coveted, so I do feel lucky that everything in the universe fell into place.

Everybody has a different story about how they found out or how they told their significant other/family about the pregnancy.  If it wasn't such a surprise I would have done something cute like all of these creative ladies.  One girl told a story about how her husband asked her once to put a bow on her tummy -- and years later, she remembered and pasted a bow on her stomach once she found out to her husband's delight.  Being loaded up with preggo hormones, I cried after reading this post.  True story.

Share your story of how you found out in the comments - would love to hear about your different experiences  :)


Freaky side note - I was engaged last May and was married about a year later.  I found out I was pregnant in early July.  While attending a co-worker's Birthday party the December between my engagement and wedding, I saw a fortune teller for the very first time -- purely for fun as I don't believe in them (I have always thought they were hokey).  The fortune teller pulls our her tarot cards and has me pull out whichever cards I want.  One of them was the "family" card - she told me that I would start a family the coming year.  I laughed it off since I told her I wasn't even married and not planning to have one for at least a year or two after marriage.  I guess she was right - how bizarre! 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


Welcome to Cutefusion!  

First, an introduction.   My name is Irene – sandwich child (number 2 as my Grandma called me, referencing my rank out of 4 sisters), geeky sister, freshly minted wife, and now, ecstatic/scared/worrying/working mother-to-be living in Dallas, Texas. 


I was married this past year, May 27th, 2012 in a fairy tale wedding.  My husband Darren and I were on cloud 9 – and so relieved that what seemed like the hardest part of our 4 year relationship was now behind us.  More on that later. 


I guess I should preface this entire blog by giving you an idea of who I am and why I decided to go down the path of baby blogdom.  I should say this is not necessarily a solely baby-centric blog.  I am not new to the blogging world as (what feels like) many moons ago, I started a blog aptly named “The Pink Hearted Princess” -- that girl is still very much alive and well.


 I still have lingering guilt about abandoning my blog – it was a product of much hard work, countless hours of camwhoring, editing, and long nights.  I still love beauty blogging and that will come through here as well…OOTDs and LOTD, what is working for me in terms of getting rid of pesky preg-o acne and comfy bras for a *somewhat excitedly reporting* expanding bust and snippets from my own personal life. 

Why Cutefusion?  Because my little one will be a an adorable mixed bundle of joy!!!  I'll share my personal journey and experiences in an interracial relationship as well as those of some of my friends and others I admire -- plus we'll get to see their little cute mixed ones too!  

I am extremely curious about how my offspring will look!  Will my baby have Darren's nose?  My eyes? My strange shaped head?  Darren's long skinny legs?  This speculation is obviously something every expectant couple muses about but I personally can't wait to see how our little one turns out.  

The face of the United States and beyond is rapidly changing.  I worry about raising a child in a much less forgiving world - at least compared to the one in which I grew up .  What new pressures of child rearing will I face?  Even scarier, what new challenges will my child face?

My husband and I - team players in future parenthood!  :)  
Also just noticed the skinny belt he's wearing in this pic...should have found him a nice Texan-sized belt buckle!!! T__T


All in all, this is a place to share – with you and with each other – about the joys and challenges of motherhood, marriage and raising an interracial child.  I'm personally scared to death at the moment.  We'll see how things progress.  

Despite the fact that I am terrified (don't even mention childbirth right now), I intend for this blog to be a very positive and open place for myself and others - I think blogging has a very therapeutic quality to it.

I hope that you will join me on my journey!  

<3 Irene