Back tracking a little bit, I was wondering why my period was coming so late after a trip to Houston. I think I started to get a weird sense of being pregnant...without knowing for sure, I added a 'kiddos' page to my pinterest board and when D asked me how I was feeling one day, I texted him "FULL OF BABY" -- I guess part of me just knew before we really knew.
It does kind of look like an eyeball +_ |
My initial reaction was probably less positive than my husband's. D was absolutely thrilled -- but I was admittedly a tad despondent. All my hopes and dreams of vacationing and traveling the world before starting a family started to flash before my eyes -- my selfish me-centric world was about to permanently disappear.
Despite being close to the 'big' 3-0 I didn't feel remotely prepared for pregnancy. Children?! Babies? I envisioned a little helpless baby spitting up everywhere and producing hampers full of dirty diapers. I was working a full time job making decent money -- now what? What about my dream home with the big white gourmet kitchen and pink craft room/office complete with crystal chandelier? What about starting my own business? What about enjoying being a newlywed? (My parents had literally just moved out a few months prior) What about having some alone time to relax after my 10 hour shifts at work? What about me me me...
Babies are expensive. I looked up an estimation of child care costs for the first year and found this handy dandy calculator at babycenter.com. Our expenses this past year included a wedding AND a honeymoon AND a house. (All out of our own pockets, Dad and Mom need to enjoy their retirement!) My first year cost came to around $13,000+ - and that is just with half a year's worth of daycare since I'm due in early March inclusive of some maternity leave. Good bye Jill Stuart and skin care obsession!
A moment of silence for my tendency to spend way too much on products that whilst pretty, are ridiculously expensive...
Babies take up time. They are expensive. They require energy. I just didn't think I could handle it.
Well, I still don't know exactly how I'm going to handle everything once baby pops out, but what I DO know is that I feel much, much better about being a future Mom -- In fact, I'm looking forward to it!
I think it took me a good few weeks with some ups and downs to fully embrace the prospect of motherhood -- I know for some, the opportunity and even chance to become a mom is coveted, so I do feel lucky that everything in the universe fell into place.
Everybody has a different story about how they found out or how they told their significant other/family about the pregnancy. If it wasn't such a surprise I would have done something cute like all of these creative ladies. One girl told a story about how her husband asked her once to put a bow on her tummy -- and years later, she remembered and pasted a bow on her stomach once she found out to her husband's delight. Being loaded up with preggo hormones, I cried after reading this post. True story.
Share your story of how you found out in the comments - would love to hear about your different experiences :)
Freaky side note - I was engaged last May and was married about a year later. I found out I was pregnant in early July. While attending a co-worker's Birthday party the December between my engagement and wedding, I saw a fortune teller for the very first time -- purely for fun as I don't believe in them (I have always thought they were hokey). The fortune teller pulls our her tarot cards and has me pull out whichever cards I want. One of them was the "family" card - she told me that I would start a family the coming year. I laughed it off since I told her I wasn't even married and not planning to have one for at least a year or two after marriage. I guess she was right - how bizarre!